Taking the Kids™
Being a Good Holiday Guest
Lucky you. You don't have to cook the turkey, wash loads of extra towels or entertain a houseful of kids who can't sit still.
Congratulations on snaring the be-my-guest role. Unfortunately, that's not always so easy when you throw three or four generations, blended families, and a bathroom shortage into the mix.
"Take a deep breath and remember that we love our friends and relatives," advises Sally Geisse, a San Francisco mom who, as one of 11 kids, has a lot of experience as both a holiday host and a holiday guest.
A friend of mine in the Midwest, who, for obvious reasons, asked to remain anonymous, suffered from horrible back pain thanks to the new sofa bed in her in-laws' den.
"I come from the don't-make-waves school of guest-hood," she says. "So when they asked me how the sofa bed was, I told them how nice it looked in the room - and I slept on the floor."
She's giving her in-laws an air mattress for Christmas - just in time for her visit.
Then there's the problem of bringing your kids to a house that's not especially kid-friendly (read: full of white carpeting and upholstery).
"Putting kids in an overly grown-up environment for an extended period of time is asking for trouble," says Dr. David Fassler, a Vermont child psychiatrist and author who hears a lot of holiday horror stories.
The situation can be even more complicated when new stepchildren or stepparents have been added to the group.
"Don't feel forced into doing things you don't want to do or that feel uncomfortable," says Fassler. "If people really don't get along, it may not work to create one big, happy family."
We're often so harried in our efforts to be perfect guests or perfect hosts that we forget how much better it would be if we didn't try so hard. Here’s how:
- Be as self-sufficient as possible. Start by scouting out the kitchen so that you can feed the kids or make some coffee in the morning without waking the entire household.
- If your kids are fussy eaters, bring along their favorite foods: If your teen has become a vegetarian, be sure to mention it so that no one will be insulted when she makes a point of glaring at the turkey.
- Volunteer at least once a day to do something your hosts would like, whether it's cooking or taking their kids to the park, the movies or the nearest children’s museum. The more the kids can run around and burn off some energy, the better.
- Especially when visiting grandparents, get the kids out of the house—and their hair—for a while each day so that they can relax and recoup.
- Bring along some toys, games and videos for the children, especially if you're visiting someone who doesn't have kids of their own. And if you're heading to a household where there will be other children, make sure your own children will be willing to share their stuff. Otherwise, suggest they leave those toys or games at home.
- Encourage the hosts to invite the kids to help in the kitchen, make decorations or prepare a holiday entertainment. The more involved the are, the better behaved they’ll be.
Don't forget the thank-you note.
By: Eileen Ogintz
